a small list of things that i normally would hide

from old soil (spoken word pieces from 2012-2013) by flatsound

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lyrics

i'll sit and pretend i know someone at an intimate depth. it only makes me feel like shit in the end because you're only as good as the people you consider your friends. so watch an aching past surface, and how i'm half certain that everyone who associates with me's a bad person. because everyone who associates with me is as worthless. now i finally understand what it means to lack courage. because at the end of the day it just defeats the damn purpose to share the fruit of your knowledge while completely malnourished.

so i've been trying to let go of the things that torture me inside. congratulations, you're cordially invited to a small list of things that i normally would hide like:
high school, no comprehension of enough harm. codeine for numb hearts and patching up cut arms. but drinking cough syrup when you didn't have a cough is ironic because in reality you're sicker than you thought. but like hearing new music and being too scared to turn it up, virgin blood mostly told me to stop at the surface cuts. and sometimes i wouldn't eat more than a couple bites. and sometimes i'd go a week and not sleep more than a couple nights. and sometimes i'd get so wrapped up in the couple life when the couple life failed me the first couple times.

but i am grateful that it seems stupid, and i'm grateful that i miss you, because the last two years are something i'm glad i had to sit through. because now that i know what it means to be dead i can start living again. yeah now that i know what it means to be dead, i can start living. i can smell it when i breathe. i can feel it when you leave. i can start living.

so i'm leaving behind the people who said i wasn't brave enough. i wrote an album called sleep and realized it's about waking up.

credits

from old soil (spoken word pieces from 2012-2013), released July 18, 2018

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flatsound California

poet, songwriter, sound artist.

flatsound.org

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