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sleep

by flatsound

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1.
sleep 03:05
I lose control of my heart I can’t keep up without losing my breath it’s been this way from the start, I need rest I'll go to sleep at a decent time when I find something worth waking up for the days are long when I keep checking my phone to see you haven’t called at all and this is where I die oh I thought i was the best part of your life oh I thought i was the only one inside now i’m pretty sure that I I was wrong.
2.
I can always pick up books in the search of what I need but that doesn’t help me any if you’re impossible to read so if you love me, if you love me come clean these monsters in my closet are watching over me the days are getting shorter and at night it’s hard to sleep the combination of all of this is the death of everything so if you love me, if you love me hurry because I don’t think that wasting a second of this time would benefit the outcome of the life I had in mind I’ll refer to you as my special love the one that set me free so if you love me, if you love me come clean waiting around until things grow old I’m feeling lost in towns that were my home and if everything was easier before then we’ll go back to who we were so I’m picking up a book in the search of what I need from religion, to fiction being lost about at sea and all I can imagine is being brushed against your cheek so if you love me, if you love me come clean
3.
ever since you were born you were cold as the snow you were so scared to melt you avoided the warmth that your family had gave in the same flowing breath that they said I love you to death do you live for the summer or spring? because you don't feel like winter to me you came through this town like a breeze do you live for the summer or spring? well the fear in my eyes made me terribly blind made me so scared to live made me stay inside while the rest of the world had continued to spin I had no reason to live when I was sick do you live for the summer or spring? because you don't feel like winter to me you came through this town like a breeze do you live for the summer or spring? mamma, mamma I'll make you proud take these words, sing them out loud and i won't stop until there's middle ground and you said I know since the day I arrived this had already died this is it, you were right and you said I know.
4.
I am doing just fine, thank you I know how much you like to keep in touch so you can talk about it and you said, who was that, who were you talking to? is that the reason you're too scared to go downtown? and talk about it. she said it's my own body, I did what I wanted ever since god made me bleed he is a pedophile, you are the coffin and you're the reason that I can't breathe I'll sleep inside of your chest and fight those thoughts in your head some say we should take a rest I think I'd rather be dead her own body, she did what she wanted ever since god made her bleed if he's a pedophile you are a monster and you're the reason that I can't sleep
5.
it’s not that I don’t have words to say I just don’t want to be the one that speaks them I’d rather keep it secret until we reach it so I’ll rest my head on the glory of this sorrow I know its hard to swallow, but tomorrow we’ll start new and I remember the lines I thought that I’d forgotten “your only flaw is that you’re flawless” I’m so full of shit, I’m surprised you bought it but to say that I don’t care is more or less astounding because I wrote an entire album about us drowning wasn’t that enough? now I’m haunted by all these holes found in my armor and if my heart beats any harder I will lose it well congratulations, I didn’t know you two had made things so official just don’t call me when it fizzles in fact, don’t call me at all.
6.
you can’t be by yourself you can’t be by yourself they kept you in the dark in a room with nothing sharp until you were well you told me that you were so scared of what they know but love isn’t afraid love is using your first name in the poems that I wrote follow me to a home abandoned at the shore there’s a story on the walls written in marker across the halls that you’ll adore and no one can see us now like the sun behind the clouds lets grab a drink for lunch and wash out the taste of blood from our guilty mouths when you stepped into the light I saw it running down your thighs and thought what a beautiful sight to see you alive
7.
phone in my pocket, what a wonderful day thinking of something that I should say but I can't hold you responsible anymore I don't know what I'm thinking I'm lost now in the thrill of it but I'm not giving up until I am free because that's where I'm supposed to be and I get so lost in the thought of life that I forget to start living mine I can feel it's weight on my chest like I am drowning and I get so lost in the thought of life that I forget to start living mine I can feel it's weight on my head like I am sleeping like I am dreaming.
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lillian 03:15
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credits

released August 1, 2012

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flatsound California

poet, songwriter, sound artist.

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