scotland, i wish you had stayed.

by flatsound

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about

Songs written and recorded between 2007-2009.

credits

released September 9, 2009

The lovely photograph used for this downloadable release was taken by Benjamin Kinzer.

hello.benjaminkinzer.com

tags

license

all rights reserved
Track Name: 66666666
"i’ve seen you in that same dress
at least one billion times
i can’t feel my head

i also saw how often you say goodbye"
Track Name: fading
"every day reminds me that i still exist
but don't deserve to be here for what i did
maybe things were never supposed to be this good
if that's the case i'm grateful for who you were
because who you were was real

i've adapted to this normal pace
and found comfort in every day
but the pattern that has kept me safe is fading
now i'm crawling through the mess i've made
it stains my clothes with awful shades
that scream that i deserve the fate i've chosen
and all this emotion was wasted

from the depths of the ocean
from the bottom of the sea
i said i'm sorry, i'm sorry.
nothing i can say now
would justify a thing
just know i'm sorry, i'm sorry."
Track Name: i hope you're okay
"i fell asleep with the television on
i missed all of your phone calls
and slept through the alarm
am i late? am i too late to see you?
are you mad i didn't get to meet you?

with a phone in your pocket and holes in your shoes
you went to monterey without a boy to sing to you
you always said, "this is where i want to
live my life, with or without you."

i'm not gone
you just make it hard to talk

i had a dream that i rose from the dead
and all my fears were flower pedals on my bed
and the wind lifted them off me
as a man spoke to me sofly

he said he lived in a town who washed all their clothes
in a public river with blood drippin' from there toes
are you strong? have you come here to save me?
i said are you real? he said, "i'm as real as you make me"

bum bum badum bum clap your heels when you can
bum bum badum bum just don't thrive on being sad
bum bum badum bum admit when you've done your wrongs
bum bum badum bum and you know i've done a lot
bum bum badum bum i'm so sorry that i left
bum bum badum bum before i told you what you meant
bum bum badum bum tell your family i said hi
bum bum badum bum i hope they're doing fine

i just wanted to say i hope you're okay
and i hope everything worked itself out along the way
you are strong, because you were there to save me
you are real, yeah you're as real as you made me"
Track Name: it's sunday, april 19th and i miss you
"when you were a child on the farm
you saw him pin her by the weight of his arms
so she left in the night when you were in bed
and took your trust when she left

you're already hurt
im scared that if you put
your trust in me i'll make it worse
i'll hurt you

i picked a flower from the stem
and watched it die in my hands
and i screamed, "oh my god
i did it again, im destroying innocence

so i can't stay
my heart's too weak to think
about the way you use to say
i miss you"
Track Name: counting sheep
"summer time was not a lie
but just a feeling that we got
and i know you feel alone, too
but this heat is not for us

i know i wanted to go
into the valley where it snows
but i realized, this place is too cold to live my life

im sorry, sorry i couldn't go
on with these lies while im kissing your nose
i wasn't ready, i should have known
that this would happen
lets stop these words, they're turning cold
lets treat this goodbye like a simple hello
you're still so young, you have room to grow
into something amazing

you'll sleep tight, i know this feels right
but theres something you should understand
when the leaves change, after three days
you wont remember who i am

im not calling you out
its just you sound like her
when you open your mouth
and i cant live with the chance
that this feelings ever coming back
so no, you're not what i need
the words you say
they're the orange in the trees
and i just need to sleep
im so sick of always counting sheep

i've been feeling so ill is this all in my thoughts?
this feeling i get when i want you to rot
for all the things and all the pain you caused
if we see eachother we wont stop and stare
yeah i'd rather you treat me like i wasn't there
i dont hate you, but honey, this still hurts
but i still have the things i've had from the start
this pen in my pocket, this rusted guitar
and the courage to sing this pain away"
Track Name: waking up to the big drill pad
"no, go away
please, its not as easy to
forget how you punched her in the mouth
and you ask why she goes away
and doesn't call you dad out loud
until she's crushed by your embrace

please, look at me
Sheryl, are you still with me?
be a good girl and put on your special jeans
no one ever needs to see
those secret marks you've earned from me
on those beautiful knees

don't be scared my little special girl
i'm the one going to hell for this"
Track Name: 47 fights
"you called me just now
i want to know what your dream was about
and if i was made a man
you looked at me and said
i’m not ready for bed
and if we could kill ourselves?
there were 40 other people in the room
no no no i thought about it
and you were the only one

did you put up your hair?
i know it’s been three years
but i felt inclined to ask
why it was you left
before i could clean up the mess
that i made of 2006
was it the 47 fights we had a day?
and the thoughts that kept me thinking
i wasn’t the only one
was it us ruining a special little girl
i heard she’s doing so much better
without pollution in her world
i have to go, i think he just came home"
Track Name: your fathers car
"there you are, no there you are
i thought i saw you at the park
but i am not allowed

to come you, to come to you
no matter how much i want to
tell you i'm sorry

for making this, for making this
the hardest thing you ever did
but i wasn't alone

you came by in your fathers car
and wouldn't leave until it had gotten dark
she's not dumb, she knows everything
you came by with a little smirk
that said i touched her before work
i know she knows everything
you came by with a little plan
that said i fucked her before class
i'm not dumb, you know everything
you came by and i was puking up
everything i considered love
i'm not dumb, i know everything."
Track Name: i exist i exist i exist
"baby please, it's the way you speak
forming words so easily
and i think of the way you think
it keeps me from falling asleep
in that grave i call a bed
until you called me up and said

"i haven't stopped crying
my father's been drinking
i need a place to stay
i don't want to be here
he's saying the words that
he promised he would never say

that liquid he consumes
makes him speak the truth"

and i said no, its not that at all
its that bottles of lies for a troubled heart
its standing on the edge of a mountain top
screaming anything he wants
like, "look at me, because i exist"

i remember the way you shook
its a shame that we're not soul mates
because if i didn't know better
i'd say this feels pretty good
how could i be scared?
when i stretch and feel that you're there
so shut your mouth
because these words will speak themselves
i can feel them in these blankets
and they're surrounding your figure
embraced in the quilts
and i cant help but think
you're my missing puzzle piece

i wake up in the hallway, i'm looking for sunlight
with rays that will cure me of the pain that keeps my lungs tight
ignoring the voices and feelings that tell me
to get out of this house
i cant make them stop
i'm just like my mom

and you said no, these demons will fall
you're so precious to us all
and i said i cant do this alone
i still need you to hold
so don't let go, because i'm afraid"