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losing the interest and trust i had in you

by flatsound

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1.
the night time painted circles on your eyes the ones that scream that nothing is alright and you promised me we'd get some sleep if you came inside but you're too scared to fall asleep tonight no i'm not here to judge what i think love is for i've made mistakes before you said, "i'm not perfect i think i'm quite the opposite i'm nothing to adore" i said perfection is opinion and nothing more and you lied there with what confidence remained and i can't hear what you say but i do know this you bruised your hips on his bed frame now i don't want to live to see the day
2.
here i am, just like i promised i'll be here waiting when your plane lands i heard you flew here on an angel you're so perfect, no ones as perfect as you and you have the face of an angel when i break it's special when i break it's for you.
3.
i'm free 04:19
we drove with the radio on it talked about god, until you told it to stop and the flick of a switch said you can’t listen to this it fills you with the thought that you’re afraid to exist but i, i’m feeling holy tonight just watch as my blood is turned into wine i know you couldn’t stand the man in the stereo he talks about death and what scares you the most he talks about god, like it was just a thought and didn’t even mention the soul what do i do with my soul? i knew a girl who came to the coast after leaving her own, in search of a cure she said, “i’ll swim the oceans in Maine and walk across every state just to hear i’m okay” but girl, i see that look in your eyes you’re in search of a light and i know where it hides and she smiled as it swallowed the daylight she said, “it’s weird to watch it in reverse because the ocean where i’m from is where the sun comes up but its never felt like this i’m free i’m home.”
4.
hi, my name is none of your concern just listen and judge me for what you think i’m worth and you said i like the way your fingers play the chords i like the way you make me feel at home i heard you’re at it again i just called to say i never left and good luck, good luck, good luck i heard you needed some if your father could see the mess you made he wouldn’t like it very much you’re playing a game entitled, “hey they’re going to like me when i’m sick” just don’t lie in the bed you made yourself and expect me to tuck you in because i wont because i liked the way my fingers played with yours yeah i liked the way you make me feel at home.
5.
it wasn’t a mistake - so please dont think it was i know because i didn’t have a lot to drink i just needed a bit for confidence no, they wont find out no one cares enough about it to run their mouths we can go upstairs for tea i’d offer you coffee but i’m not supposed to have caffeine you can keep your body where you lay just promise me, eventually when you’re too scared to think we’ll close our eyes and sing a melody i’ll be the field you’re running through when you’re too scared to face the things you do you can hide out in my trees, cover yourself in leaves just please, when you’re ready to go try not to make it so painful and you said this: “is it repetitive, the way you live?”
6.
there was an old women who said her goodbyes by gathering everyone she knew and telling them her lies “i wasn’t faithful to my husband, i lied to my friends but in the end i was thinking about you” when my mom had my brother she was no older than me so why’s it so hard to imagine a family where i’m the one in charge, and not just a kid and i think of what she did and then my mind tells me to stop, compare what you do on top of everything she was just a child, too she wasn’t giving up, despite the things she said when she left she was thinking about you i convince myself everyday i’m not going to disappear you think i’d be okay with the thought after 20 years but the ideas keep me up, and even if i could sleep i wouldn’t want to dream, because i’m thinking about you and it’s driving me mad i don’t want to think about what we said or have to justify why i stay in bed instead of going out with my friends all the time is it so hard to believe that sometimes we as human beings get sad.

about

From me to you, here’s a free super lo-fi downloadable EP. It’s quality is nothing beyond late night tape recordings, so enjoy. Think of it as an “i’m sorry ICTYHWBD is taking so fucking long” album.

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released September 9, 2010

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flatsound California

poet, songwriter, sound artist.

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